Reluctant To Kill
by Krikoris
Summary: Who is the vampire that killed Anne, Jessica's adoptive mother? Did you ever want to know about his life? His inner struggles? Why he did it? Probably not, but this is his story. it's PRE and POST DIMV, incase anyone wondered. Epilogue is up!! COMPLETE!!!
1. Chapter one

"Cairbre." Fala's voice whispered sweetly in my ear as I sipped my drink in Las Noches. That voice could make my insides bubble with desire or make me want to rip her heart out. Right now it was neither, just Fala, just her naturally bitchy self. I didnt reply. I was not in the mood to. Plus, I was busy. Drinking cyanide required concentration. Well actually it didnt but I made it look that way.  
  
When I didn't reply, she brushed some of my ash colored hair out of my face. My hair was always that greyish color, even when I was human. Once again she whispered but this time with a bit more hostilty. She was never very patient. "Yes Fala?" I finally replied, my fingers circling the rim of my cup.  
  
"I have a proposition for you." Oh great. I didnt want it even if she would jump off a cliff as a payment. Kaei looked over at me and arched a brow. She must have known what the proposition was, but I was in no mood to talk to either of the women. I left right then to my room behind Las Noches.  
  
Even from my room I heard Fala curse. I smiled. Who couldnt? The tone of voice she used when she cursed could still serpents. But I'm no serpent, I'm a vampire.  
  
Yes I am weak, but only because I was the one that had drained my blood. Committing suicide seemed like such a good idea those 20 years ago, but someone had intervened. Someone who liked to watch others suffer for eternity.  
  
I shook that thought out of my mind as I layed down on my bed. My navy blue jeans and my matching t-shirt became lost in the navy blanket and only my pale skin, grey hair, and black eyes were easily visible.  
  
I had always been quiet, even as a human. But it was my art that damned me. Just like Nissa, I would have not been given a second glance. But Kendra had noticed me, my art. And she was the one to try and change me.  
  
Of course, my art was never bright and happy. It was blacks, greys, dark blues and burgundies. Full moons and forests. Death and destruction. Pain. Hate. All were visible in my art.  
  
I did not realize that I had drifted off to sleep until I felt an aura sweep across my pale cold skin. I was one of very few vampires that dreamt as they slept. I do not know why I dream when others do not, but it is so and I deal with it.  
  
Sitting up, I looked at who had visited my room. Rabe. I smirked. She had a knack for coming in when I slept. "Sleeping well Cairbre?" She asked me. Her voice was not like most humans, but more like ours. Silky and beautiful. I suppose that she talks that way from all of the vampire contact. Kaei's voice is similar as well.  
  
"Was," I replied, trying to sound grumpy. Didn't work. I don't really know why she visits me. I am one of few vampires in Kendra's line that lives in New Mayhem. But the life of bashes does not suit me, as it does Kendra's other fledglings.  
  
"Good." Slowly, she walked to my bed and sat down at the edge. "I heard Fala's poliet response to your leaving."  
  
"Good." I answered, not really in the mood to talk. Thinking about my past made me irritable. Luckily, she noticed. Rabe's eyes shifted color as she stood and kissed me on the head. I would usually kill a human for touching me, but Rabe is different. She is my friend.  
  
Yes I know that having friends is never a good thing, especially when you have to watch them shrivel. Hopefully I can convince Rabe to become one of us before it's too late. "Well, sleep well Cairbre," she whispered in my ear so innocently sweet before turning and leaving.  
  
I lay back down and stare at my ceiling. In the next room I can hear Aubrey pacing. I wonder what is disturbing him. But I fall asleep before I can begin to think.  
  
**so what do you think? Please tell me how you feel! I need five reviews before chapter two. I dont think I saw a story about it and so I was like....*writer shock* Hehe thank you for reading this. Have a good day!  
  
May your blood flow freely,  
  
Krikoris  
  
"Insanity makes the rivers flow" 


	2. Chapter two: Unwanted Memories

**Alright, chapter two. Of course its still in Cairbre's POV. Dont you love that name? Me too. The italics is his dream, and the non italics is when he is awake. Obviously lol. So how did ya'll like the first chapter? It is kind of hard to write two fics at the same time, but I am multi talented lol. Plus, you writers know how it is. If you dont write something done it goes away. Hmm well. As I so stupidly forgotten in the first chapter, all of these characters belong to Amelia. Yes, sadly, even Cairbre, doesnt he? I mean....whatever. I am hurting my brain. Enjoy!**  
  
  
  
"Good," I whispered to myself as I put down my brush and looked at my finished painting. I was proud of it, as others would be when they first would cast their judgmental gaze upon it. The splashes of blood red would hypnotize them as it contrasted with the blacks that enveloped the navy blues. I smiled. This had to be my best painting yet.  
  
I stood and brushed off the paint from my fingers onto my ruined jeans. I never wore my school uniform while I painted, since I only had one. My parents would kill me. Not as if I would mind. My painting was the only thing I lived for.  
  
"Very impressive," a voice said behind me. I gripped my paint brush in my hand, which was the only thing I could use a weapon. No one was supposed to be here, not even this beautiful young woman standing in front of me. "I approve, Cairbre." I didn't recall seeing her, and this made me nervous. How did she know my name?  
  
"Go away," I growled as I put my paint brush down and ran my slender fingers through my ash hair; leaving specks of black, red, and blue in it. My hair never stayed clean. I always did that when I was mad, confused, or trying to calm down. I always did it while I was painting.  
  
"Why would you dismiss your biggest fan so swiftly?" Her words did not make me turn around, but they did make me think just a bit. I have always gone to the art showings, in disguise of course, to see who was looking at my pictures. There had been one girl that had been there with a young man every time. The young man had dirty blond hair and black eyes, but I never got a good look at the woman. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the girl behind me was that woman.  
  
"Because I don't care." I replied sharply as I closed my paints. Not one bright color was used. I never had use for them.  
  
"You should," I heard her voice slither to my ears, and I had to shiver. There was something very wrong with her. I had the sudden urge to run away. But she was the one on my property and she should be the one leaving.  
  
"Listen, I asked you to leave." Her black skirt blew in the slight wind and the black tanktop was very low cut. But I did not look at that. That would be rude and disgusting. I looked at her eyes. Her obsidian black eyes. I knew that there was something not right about those eyes. "So go." My voice came out harsher than I wanted, but I didn't care. I wanted her gone.  
  
"Fine, Cairbre. We will meet again." She turned and walked away. No, glided away is more like it. She moved gracefully, too gracefully.  
  
Glancing around the forest, I saw the moon. Full and beautiful. I stepped on my foot stool and turned off the lamp that I had hung in a low branch of a tree. My eyes adjusted quickly to the dark and the moon helped me. My eyes still gazed at the moon as I slipped my paints into my backpack. Just as I was about to slip the white paint in, I remembered that I forgot to put on the date. Pulling out my thinnest paintbrush, I opened the white paint and wrote the date at the bottom of the painting in elegant writing. May 13, 1963.  
  
  
  
I woke up with a jerk. That dream had plagued me for such a long time that it hurt. The dream wasn't really a dream, but a memory. How I hated that day. That was the day I met Kendra.  
  
I listened carefully and heard that Aubrey was no longer pacing. Good. Maybe there would be some interesting people....I mean vampires down in the club. I got off my bed and pulled off my shirt. Pulling open my closet door, I glanced around inside and ripped a forest green baggy shirt off its hanger, then slipped it over my head. I never liked tight shirts. Even though they did show off my muscular body, I never enjoyed flaunting it.  
  
Quickly I jumped out of my navy blue jeans and slipped into some black ones. Although I knew what I would see, I looked at the mirror at my right. My reflection was more visible than the older vampires, but it was still misty. Just as always, my reflection mocked me. I hated looking at it, how it reminded me that I would live forever. Those black eyes laughing at me.  
  
On a sudden whim, I made them their original color. Now my cold ice blue glare replaced the ebony one. "Better," I told myself as I pulled on a pair of combat boots. Metal tipped of course. Never leave the house without them. Then I brought myself down to Las Noches, hoping for a fight. Or maybe Rabe or Kaei to talk to.  
  
Just as I arrived there, I smelled blood in the air. Suddenly hungry and in no rush to fight, I once again left and went to seek someone to feed off of.  
  
**Yep, chapter two is short. I really tried to make it longer but to no avail. *sigh* Four reviews until next chapter, but I doubt anyone likes this. Anywho, have a nice day!  
  
May your blood flow freely,  
  
Krikoris  
  
"Insanity makes the rivers flow" 


	3. Chapter three

I returned to Las Noches about twenty minutes later with a new skip in my step. Of course I hadn't killed the girl; we vampires at Single Earth rarely if never kill. Yes, I am one of the very few vampires that go to Single Earth. It is a new organization and I was one of the first vampires to join. Of course I don't openly tell vampires that I go there. That would tell them that I was weak. Which I am. To tell you the truth, I hadn't made a kill in 3 years.  
  
When I had been at Single Earth, a pair of witches had been talking about Ash Night. The infamous writer. Risika must be beaming with joy to have her fight with Aubrey openly publicized. And no doubt Aubrey is seething. I laughed as I pushed open the doors to Las Noches. I knew that Ash Night would never write about me, I am of no real importance to the vampiric world.  
  
I walked into Las Noches, openly welcoming the loud bass music that shot though my body, the spider web mirrors that were left that way no thanks to Risika, and I smiled openly at Rabe, who was on duty at the bar. "Morning," she said casually as she sniffed bottles, trying to find me a drink. I only drank cyanide. It is a preferred taste, if you ask me. Plus, no humans drink it so it all means more for me!  
  
"Don't act so cheerful," I warned her as she handed me a bottle after she looked at it through a red light. I don't know why everyone does that, it never helps. Once I took a nice long sip of my drink, I set it down and looked at Rabe. She didn't seem tired in the least, while I am close to sleeping. Feeding makes me sleepy, which is why I don't feed until late night or very early morning.  
  
"Sorry, I know you don't want it to get infectious." Despite her serious tone, I could tell she was joking. Her eyes gave her away. Heh, no really, they did.  
  
A moment later I found Aubrey next to me, but he did not greet me, and I didn't greet him. We don't really like each other but we don't hate each other enough to try to kill each other, for the second time. We are after all already dead. "Moira was looking for you," Kaei told him as he approached the bar. "She mentioned something about helping you 'dice the writer into bite-sized pieces.' "Yep, I thought to myself, taking another sip. That sounded like Moira alright. I kept quiet. Rabe was listening too.  
  
"Fala was looking for you too," Kaei continued her expression grim. "She was talking about turning the author into ash- making her 'fit her name better' ". Hmm yep, that sounded like Fala as well. I knew why they were so fizzed. Ash Night told them the truth, they were weak.  
  
"Maybe they could draw straws," Aubrey answered wearily. No doubt he didn't want to deal with either of the two vampires. I wasn't in the mood to deal with any vampires.  
  
"Do what you will," Kaei replied, walking away. She gave me a quick glance and a smirk as she passed, but she quickly went on to serve another vampire. What Kaei said to him was of no importance, on his point of view that is. I turned and walked to the other side of the club and sat down at a table, pulling out a book. Not just any old book, Ash Night's Tiger Tiger. Flipping through the pages, I found my spot and continued to read. Hopefully no strong vampires would catch me. I doubt they would enjoy seeing a weak vampire enjoying reading about stronger vampire weaknesses.  
  
"What are you reading?" I slammed the book shut and looked up a young girl, no older than 17.  
  
"A book." I answered as I put it back into my pocket. "Or I was reading it until you interrupted me." A hurt look flickered across her face but she did not make a move to leave.  
  
"Who is the author?" Despite my resistance to killing my prey, it did not mean that I wouldn't hesitate to damage a human that was annoying me. I gave her one of my 'Aubrey looks', or that is what I call him. It was that look that he gave others when he was not in the mood to talk but in the mood to injure. Luckily for the girl, she took the unspoken advice and scuttled off.  
  
Noticing that it was not a safe time to read the book, I did not take it out again. With Aubrey, and Jager- no, I corrected myself as I saw Fala appear- those two and Fala in the room, it was not a safe thing to be reading. The Bible would be safer, and that's saying something.  
  
I stretched as I yawned. Even dead things can catch the contagious yawn. Even dead things can admire art. Kendra's voice popped into my head suddenly and I pushed it out. But art cannot admire dead things, or can it? Why couldn't I get her words out of my head?  
  
The shattering of glass jolted me out of my thoughts and I saw the girl who had been talking to me moments before standing up from a table so she could dust the glass off of her jeans. Shattering glass was not an uncommon thing here in Las Noches.  
  
You enjoy the sound of shattering glass, but not the shattering of bones? Cairbre, I expected more of you. Why wouldn't Kendra's words leave me?!? Slamming my fists down in the table, I cursed in confusion. However it was drowned out by Fala.  
  
"Damn you Aubrey!" She screamed and I saw several humans leave the club. It was not safe for humans to be here when two vampires were fighting.  
  
"Already been done," he responded calmly. Personally I disliked both of them equally, but now I was on Aubrey's side. I had only picked up on a few lines of the conversation, but it was enough to make me fume. Fala had wanted to kill Ash Night, and Aubrey hadn't yet. I didn't want her to die, personally. She was a rather good writer and I knew I wouldn't be written about. Me in the safe zone means I let anyone who doesn't disturb me go by. Ash Night included.  
  
"Damn you again!" She hissed and I simply took a sip of my drink. I was used to that tone; she used it on other weaker vampires all the time.  
  
"Too late," I heard Aubrey quip and I smiled. On the inside. "And after 5000 years I'd think you'd come up with something better than that." Good one Aubrey, I thought to myself, not daring to think too loud. He might actually hear me. And God knows we don't want that. But I doubt highly that God is watching over me now, if he ever was.  
  
The two of them left no later than a minute after. Jager left quickly after, which meant that I was safe to pull out my book. Which I did and continue reading in the dark vibrating room. I was smart enough to go on the wall with out the mirrors. Even though my reflection is mistier than it had been years ago, my book doesn't mistify along with me.  
  
"Nice book." Shit. My body froze instantly upon hearing that voice. If I could go paler, I did. "How far are you into it?" Her cool tone was the only thing that made me answer.  
  
"The fight," I replied, my voice calm as if I didn't care what Risika thought. But of course I did. My life ~ or unlife, depending on which way you thought about it ~ depended on it. Carefully she pulled the book out of my hand and read the first few lines.  
  
Then her ice piercing laugh echoed in the room and I saw several more humans, including the girl I met, leave. Rabe and Kaei stiffened and looked over in my direction. Both pairs of eyes widened, and Rabe's changed color. Not a very good thing. That was the color of fear. "This is just how I remember it," Risika told me matter-of-factly, handing me the book back with a smile.  
  
"Me too," I answered, calmly placing my bookmark into the page and closing the book. I had been there, but luckily not in the front. I had been sitting on the bar only about a foot or two away from Fala. She had placed a bet on who would win, and I placed a bet against her. She stilled owed me that money.  
  
"Ah yes," she answered, looking me over. Her black striped hair and her black eyes made her look wild and ready for anything, but her plain jeans and low cut crimson red t-shirt meant that she wasn't in the mood to fight. I had been in the presence of Risika more than once and am now able to interpret her attitude by her clothing. Too bad I hadn't learned that talent 20 years ago. "One of Kendra's fledglings aren't you?" I nodded.  
  
"Lucky guess?" I asked her as she sat down with me. I was partially shocked, considering that strong vampires, especially Silver vampires, who is mostly everyone here, usually don't even glance at me.  
  
"Paint flakes in your hair," was her reply, which I laughed at. She smiled along with me, and I was glad that I hadn't offended her. "Well, keep reading; the best part is coming up." Nodding to her, she vanished.  
  
I let my muscles relax; I wasn't going to die tonight. I retreated to my room instantly, but what I found there was less than inviting. 


	4. Chapter four

"What do you want?" I asked the vampire who was lounging on my bed as if she owned it. Her hair was a forest green color and so were her eyes. I wasn't really sure if it was an illusion or if her hair really was that color. Her forest green tanktop and rather short skirt matched her hair rather disgustingly and she smiled a pearly white smile. I could tell instantly that she was Indian or Egyptian. Her skin was a deep tan.  
  
"Do you know what Kendra calls you?" She asked simply as she sat up on my bed and tilted her head like a curious puppy at me. The name made me want to tense up but I did not want to show any reaction and so I kept still. When I didn't respond, she got off my bed and circled me, her long manicured nails tracing my cheek as she passed in front of me. "The Painted One."  
  
"What do you want?" I asked her again, neither my voice nor my face changing. I was very good at hiding my emotions. I did have my whole human life to work on it, and I have all eternity to perfect it.  
  
I kept on trying to place her somehow. She wasn't a Silver fledgling, and I narrowed it down quickly to my own blood line, Kendra's. This girl had the look of an artist about her, but I could not really place how. "Who are you?" I finally asked, my eyes locking on hers. I hadn't changed my eyes back to their ink black state, and so they still were like ice. Ice against Forest. Ice always won. She looked away.  
  
"Rayne." She simply replied, but I could tell that there was something to add and so I kept my lips shut. "Rayne Forrest." There was no mistaking the smile in her voice and so there was no point in hiding mine.  
  
"Rain Forest?" I repeated. She shoved me somewhat playfully, somewhat offended.  
  
"No. Rayne, with a Y and an E and Forrest with two R's."  
  
"Kendra's line?" I did ask what line she was from, but that was a given. What we Kendra line vampires ask each other was what caught her attention.  
  
"Kaleo's fledgling," Rayne answered. Kaleo had a habit of turning girls who he thought himself in love with. Nissa was a prime example. Of course, she is the only one that has Nikolas as a brother. He was actually a pretty cool vampire. I had been to a few of his bashes before I gave up and moved here.  
  
When I was about to rephrase my question, she added, "Horticulture." I laughed. I never could really see Kaleo sitting on a bench in a garden, sniffing the flowers, but I never expected Kaleo to do lots of things. "And I know what caught Kendra's attention for you, Cairbre."  
  
"Does my little so called nickname give it away?" I couldn't disguise the disgust in my voice and I was surprised to see Rayne look offended.  
  
"For your information, there are a lot of Kendra's line that were damned for the same reason." I knew that, but why had Kendra picked on me? Rayne lifted her hand and touched my hair. "You are the only fledgling that had paint flakes in his hair no matter how many times you wash it."  
  
"What are you here for?" I growled at her, gently pulling her hand away from my hair. Three is always the magic number, I thought to myself when I saw Rayne walk over to the corner of my room and pick up a piece of covered canvas. Odd, I hadn't seen it there before.  
  
"Well, I was here to hang around at Las Noches, but Kendra told me to bring this to you." She set it down on my bed before blowing me a kiss. "See you later Cairbre." And with that she was gone.  
  
For a moment I stared at the canvas from across the room; my eyes fading back into their true black state. I wondered what it was but made no move to see it. I could really only think about Rayne. She killed her prey, every single one. No doubt she went to bashes, and I could tell by her eagerness to leave that she was going to a bash after she had dealt with me.  
  
I remember trying to convince Christopher, lessly known as Kristopher, to come to Single Earth. He after all had told me about it. Hypocrite.  
  
I returned my attention to the canvas and I walked over slowly, my mind beginning to wander. What's this Cairbre? Kendra's voice echoed in my head, but it was only a memory. You don't like my gift? I did not like the one she had given me then. That poor girl......  
  
Jerking my mind from sickened memories, I pulled off the covering of the canvas and growled angrily when I saw what it was. Navy blues, burgundies, blacks, greys. My painting. My last painting. The date was signed in white sadistically in the corner. May 13, 1963.  
  
Anger surged through me. I left my room and went into the city. The first girl I saw, I fed.. I let her screams pierce the cold night air. I let her feel the mind numbing pain. Her screams were like music to my ears. That night, for the first time in three painful years, I killed. 


	5. chapter five: new aura of power

When I once again returned to Las Noches, I knew that several vampires turned their head. I know that even though I never told any of them that I went to SingleEarth, it was sickenly easy to tell just by my aura. Now that I have killed, my aura changed. And it changed greatly.  
  
Before I had only been a vampire who still resented what he was, and now I knew what it was like to feel death pass you by as the one in your arms takes your toll instead. And as others had admitted, once you kill the first time, the bloodlust is twice as strong.  
  
"Cairbre?" I turned my head to see Rabe staring at me wide eyed. I smiled. No matter how many humans I would ever kill, Rabe would remained untouched by my damned fingers. She is too precious to me to threaten her like that.  
  
"I see the little fledgling has finally gotten a good taste of what it is like to be a true vampire." I did not need to turn around to know who that was. Damn her.  
  
"He's stronger too," came another voice and I turned to meet it. "He might be as strong as Nikolas now. Doubtful though."  
  
"Oh," came Fala's voice again as I turned around, "Did you hear us talking about you Cairbre?"  
  
"How could he not?" Snapped Rabe, who was glaring at Fala from behind the bar. "Half the damn bar can hear you obnoxious voice. No wonder all the humans left."  
  
"You stupid little human.." Fala growled as she stood up. Jager stayed where he was; at the table.  
  
"I must not be that stupid if I got you mad," Rabe responded innocently as she turned her back to Fala and searched around at the bottles. When a human turns their back on an angry vampire, that's an insult on the vampire's side. I mean, a vampire has to be pretty weak if a human doesn't feel uncomfortable with it at his or her back.  
  
Fala lunged. She was just about at Rabe when I tackled her. We both landed on a table, which broke under our weight. I was ontop of her with my hands around her neck. Lucky me, I thought when I noticed that she had pinned her own hands under her body when she had tried to cushion her fall onto the table. "If you ever," I growled as I held her in my grasp, "EVER hurt Rabe. I will KILL you. I will bite into that tan little neck of yours, drink your blood, and take a table leg to your heart. Do you understand?"  
  
She didn't really answer the way I had hoped. Her right knee connected with my stomach and I fell back in surprise.  
  
Jager watched me intently as I stumbled back as Fala's mind struck mine. Rabe cursed under her breath but didn't move. Even though she lives in New Mayhem, she is still a human. And humans are considered foolish children in our world. Rabe is just less foolish and more open to accepting that the humans, who think they are at the top of the food chain, are definitely not.  
  
"Don't threaten me child," Fala growled as she got back on her feet. "Just because you killed your prey once doesn't mean you can take me down."  
  
"I could take you down even if I never killed that girl," I answered back coolly, even though I knew I couldn't.  
  
"No you couldn't, fledgling," she replied in the same cool tone. Now I don't know if God or Satan decided to help me, but I got some help. Risika appeared in Las Noches just as Fala was about to strike my mind again.  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Risika warned Fala almost playfully as she grabbed a random bottle from behind the bar. From the corner of my eye I saw Jager's eyebrow arch just slightly. As always, Risika caught Jager's eye.  
  
"And why not?" Was Fala's response. Just then I heard Risika in my mind. Hit her with your mind while she's distracted. I wondered for a moment and she added, anytime now, you know. I was only partially aware of the verbal conversation that was going on between them  
  
Right then I looked at Rabe and thought about what I would do to Fala if she had injured one hair on Rabe's beautiful head. Unreasonable anger surged through me and I hit Fala so hard that she actually fell back a foot or so on the floor. Wow, I had never done that before..Her look of pure shock slowly changed to suppressed fear. She left without another word.  
  
"Good job fledgling," Jager told me before leaving as well.  
  
"Yeah," Risika agreed, "Not bad." And with that she was gone. Slowly I turned my head to see half the humans staring at me and several vampires giving me curious glances. I had been the joke of the club; I rarely bothered any vampires, talked continuously with the human bartenders, drank cyanide, and usually drank animal or willing humans. I never even killed the animals. I had been a vegetarian. Now I had just gotten compliments from two of the strongest vampires in the Silver Line. And what got the vampires was that I was in the Kendra Line, the line of arts.  
  
"You want your drink or not mister hero?" Kaei's voice questioned me and I turned to look at the two girls. They were both beautiful. I could not live without their conversations. They were my last sane ties to the mortal world. I could not let them get hurt, even if I had to die to save them.  
  
Nodding slowly I took the cold water in between my two hands and sat down at the bar. Everyone acted as if the fight never happened. Good. I didn't like them looking at me like that. After taking a sip, I finally noticed that there were several good sized splinters in my hands. Laughing, I set the bottle down and began to pick them out. My body had tried to heal around them, and now it hurt twice as much as a normal splinter.  
  
I winced and Rabe laughed at me. When I looked at her she gave me a long serious look. It was rare to get one of those from Rabe. "Listen, I could have, no I would have died if you hadn't done that." There was no way that Fala could have killed Rabe quickly, unless she broke her neck. I shuddered. "I could have crashed into the bottles and bled to death."  
  
"I would have given you my blood," I replied, taking a sip of my drink as if I was talking about the weather over a cup of coffee.  
  
"I would never forgive you if you did." Was Rabe's answer before she quickly kissed my cheek and left. How odd, what she did and what she said didn't match. Which one was she lying about? 


	6. Chapter six: Poems revealed

~*~*Chapter six~*~*  
  
"Why did Rabe act as if she couldn't lift a finger to save herself?" I asked Kaei as I sipped my drink in thought. "She could have at least given Fala a scar or two, at LEAST. And she acted as if she was a new born human. It is disgusting!" She arched a brow at me and said nothing. I knew that she had to be upset with me for talking about Rabe like that, and humans stick up for humans first before vampires.  
  
"I don't know." Was her answer before leaving to clean a table. I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair; several paint flakes falling to the table. I had spent the whole night painting, but it was a completely new kind of painting. It was Rayne, sitting in a garden with her green hair and eyes wearing a green dress, with a black rose between her fingers. In the background there was Kaleo leaning against a tree with a trickle of blood down his chin; a dead girl at his feet. The painting was the first one that I had really ever used other colors besides black white, blue and burgundy.  
  
"Something got you down in the dumps?" I didn't even want to glance over at her. She was one of the last vampires that I wanted to see. I only had spent like the whole night working on her.  
  
"Leave me alone Rayne," I whispered before leaving the bar and going to my room. I realized that I could not stand Las Noches for much longer and I actually decided to go to a bash that I had been invited to. I was only going because I heard that Kendra might be there. After all, it was her circuit. I switched from my black outfit into a green turtleneck and a pair of jeans. My eyes also changed along to match the ensemble. I didn't really care if some vampires never change their eyes, I personally liked it. That way, no one could really know what I truly looked like in my past. As my hair went from ash to black, I thought that only Kendra and Kaleo really knew what I looked like.  
  
A few seconds later I arrived at the house that the bash was at. I could sense many strong vampiric auras as I stepped up to the door and knocked. I wasn't really sure if I was supposed to knock but it didn't really matter I guess. "Hi there," the vampire who opened the door welcomed me as he looked me over. I instantly recognized him as Flare, one of Midnight's vampires. I guess vampires like us get bored from our cities and need time to just hang out and 'bash'.  
  
"Hi Flare," I responded once I stepped into the house. I knew that Nikolas's houses were black and white, but this one was void of either of those colors. Like a kaleidoscope. It hurt my eyes for a moment or two and only after that was I able to pick out the people and vampires that were in the rooms. I turned to say something to Flare, but he must have gone. No, he was just mixed in with the fire red wall he was standing against. "Anyone interesting here?"  
  
"Just a few minutes ago Kaleo caught a Arun here. She almost killed Nyck. I almost wanted to kill HER but Kaleo let her go."  
  
"Maybe he fell in love with her," I muttered as I walked away. Flare laughed behind me. I guess Kaleo heard it because no sooner I said it I found myself pinned to a wall, with Kaleo's hand around my throat.  
  
"Oh, Cairbre," he said as he pulled his hand away from my throat, which made me uncomfortable. "Didn't expect you to be here." The room hushed as my name echoed in the room and all the blood bonded humans turned to look at me. What was going on?  
  
Slowly all the blood bonded humans stood up and begin to whisper something under their breath. After a split second I can hear what they are whispering and it sends shivers up and down my spine. One particular girl, one that I remember as Heather, spoke it louder than the others.  
  
"By the night, by the day, I wander aimlessly, Lost my way. The brush in hand, the paint in mind, my canvas is as endless, as the midnight sky. Life has lost its fun, and so it is done. I slit my pale wrists, and let the crimson run." My eyes darted to Kaleo, who just simply smiled. I knew I had gone paler, but deep inside I was really terrified. Kendra had told them how I . . . .  
  
"No tears follow the stream, I feel as if this is a dream," Heather continued, her voice picking up volume. "And in a way it is, for I have not met the shadowed world. But now as I watch my river flow, she comes to my side, placing her pale lips to my wound, she licks away and creates a dam with her tongue." I do not want to hear this, I turn to go but Heather yells the words at my back now.  
  
"Eyes the color of death melt the ice of my gaze. A sensation builds in my chest. And as she pulls out a knife and cuts her neck, I feel the sensation increase as my eyes fall. Cold hands bring my lips to her neck. I taste the blood of the damned, and I cannot turn away." The rhyming had ended, but the words stuck me senseless nonetheless.  
  
"Stop!" I screamed at her and pinned to the wall just as Kaleo had done to me only moments before. "Shut up!" My eyes had turned back to their ebony state and I was glaring at her. But this did not seem to bother her. The other humans had silenced themselves and so it was silent. It was silent until I heard a familiar voice behind me.  
  
"As I am lost in blue light of death, I hear her whisper, her fingers sliding through my hair, 'This is it, what's done is done, you are no longer human, you are the Painted One.'" My body went ridged as I threw Heather down and turned to glare at the one who had finished the poem. The poem so clearly of my death. Or how I believe it had happened. As I had said, that part was still a bit vague."Welcome back, child." Kendra looked just as deadly as she had been 4 years ago. Of course, she probably didn't even notice it was 4 years. That was just a blink of an eye to her.  
  
"Kendra..." I wasn't sure how I felt. I didn't hate this life she had given me, but this life I had not chosen, it was forced upon me. And they all knew that I had chosen a life of suffering, like Kristopher. But now they saw that I had lost control of the blood lust, and that I was as strong as many of them now that I had killed.  
  
"Welcome to the bash." She whispered simply before she left to another room. Moments later everyone continued on what they were doing.  
  
"Why did all the blood bonds say that when I came in?" I asked Flare, who I found pulling away from a dead human. She had been alive a few moments before, but obviously wasn't now.  
  
"Most of the line says that when they blood bond a human to themselves. I even say it, after I figured out the whole concept of why everyone else says it." I sat down next to him, pushing the body off the couch. What he said unnerved me. Was I a gimmick? What was this poem to everyone? I rarely know of a small ritual like poem being said throughout almost a whole line. What made my death so special?  
  
"What exactly is the concept?"  
  
"Well, when you bond a human, they stay human, right?" I nodded slowly, wondering where he was going with this. "They stay human, but they change just so much that they aren't completely human. They don't age like vampires, but they eat food like humans."  
  
"What are you getting at?" I push impatiently. I wanted to know and I had no extra time for this.  
  
"When you mix two paints together, with just a little of one color into a whole bunch of another color, you still have the same color but there is just a tint of the other color."  
  
"I don't understand what you're trying to say." I wanted to get more detail. It was me it was about after all.  
  
"Black and white paint. Good and evil blood. When you mix just a bit of black paint, the damned blood, into the large amount of white paint, the human blood, you still have the white paint, but it is no longer completely white. It's grey. When you bond a human they are still human but they are no longer completely human, they have vampire blood in them." My blank stare must have gotten him a bit angry because he looked away out the window. "You are the grey paint. You are a vampire but you hold onto your humanity as if it's the only thing you have left. And if you put just a bit of black paint into the grey, it turns darker. But no matter how much white paint you put into the grey, it will never be white again."  
  
"You are damned. You cannot change that. No matter how many humans you don't kill, you won't ever be human again. Give it up, Cairbre. You just make yourself weak with envy." I turned and backhanded Kendra without much thought before standing up and walking out of the room. As I left the house, I heard Kendra screaming incoherent words at my back, but I did not turn back.  
  
I am the grey paint. I do not argue. I bring myself to my room and lay down on the bed. Without another word, I fall asleep. The poem echoes in my ears.  
  
By the night,  
  
By the day,  
  
I wander aimlessly,  
  
Lost my way.  
  
And after thirty seven years, I am as lost as ever. 


	7. chapter seven: Painful bloodlust

~Alright, faithful readers! Chapter seven is up. The first half is a dream, and I'm working on the whole italic thing (thanks Midnight Rain!!) Anywayz, I dont know whom belongs to whom so here is the story and read, enjoy, and review!~  
~*~*Chapter seven~*~*  
  
When I woke up, it took me a long time to try to remember what had happened. Infact, I could not even remember my name! What in the hell? I sat up and took a deep breath, but was rewarded with a pain so sharp that I gasped and doubled over, and even doubling over hurt. It did not really occur to me that I was completely naked under the silk sheets. All I was aware of was the sharp pain that seemed to dull after each breath. "What's going on?" I asked the bare white walls. I did not like those walls. It felt as if I was going to spend my whole life in this very room.  
  
The only memory I had that was clear enough to remember was hot liquid being forced through my lips. For some reason I had no urge to check my heart. I knew it wasn't beating. Just like I knew deep down that if I didnt inhale that I wouldnt feel the need to. Slowly I straightened up and only then did I feel the silk move across bare skin. Eyes widening slightly, I peeked under the covers, quickly covered myself up again, slightly embarrased, and looked around the room.  
  
Just as if someone had placed a mirror across from me on purpose, there it was. My hair was the same, my skin seemed much paler than before, and even my body seemed more toned than it had the day before. Had it been a day? I don't really know. But it was my eyes that caught the unnessesary breath in my throat. I knew my eyes had been an ice blue, almost transparent. But now they had been melted and reformed into two eternal pools of darkness.  
  
I smirked. I still had my artsy thoughts about me. "So my little artist finally wakes." My head snapped away from the mirror and looked at the woman. Her outfit was seducive and I would have thought her normal but there was a trickle of blood on her chin.  
  
"What have you done to me?" I asked as I went to get out of the bed. Remembering my clothes were currently vacant, I caught myself just as I was about to pull off the blankets, and just glared at her from the bed.  
  
"You wanted to die, did you not?" I wanted to answer, but something was telling me that I should be careful what I say. After all, I was dead. Deep down inside I knew it.  
  
"Yes, I wanted to die. But I did not wish to stay on this planet and watch others live as I never changed in age."  
  
"Well," the woman replied as she sat down beside me and stroked my cheek, "You could always just die again. You could always just run to a Vida and beg to die. Or you could just take this dagger and run yourself through, again." She placed the dagger hilt in my hand and I felt some kind of power surge up my arm. I wanted to drop it instantly but she forced my fingers around the handle. Slowly she turned the dagger towards my heart and pressed lightly. "If you are weak you will run yourself through."  
  
"How do you figure that?" I asked her, pushing the dagger just a bit harder. For some reason I knew that I should run myself through, but my new instincts gripped me. I did not wish to die, not so soon.  
  
"A vampire has a strong instinct of survival, and if you run yourself through then that just proves that you are too scared to try and live in the light of the moon. To hunt down humans and taste their life force slither across your tongue." With a smirk, she added slyly, "You already lived by the moon, if I remember correctly?"  
  
My response was simple. I turned the dagger and sliced her leg open before stabbing the blade into the mattress. Before she could properly respond, which was rather hard with a Vida knife wound, I used my mind to bring me into the walk in closet down the hall. Luckily there was some black silk boxers, a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt. I grabbed those, slipped them on, then pulled on a pair of sneakers before bringing myself to the park, where I planned to feed.  
*********************************************************  
I woke up, my hand gripping the dagger under my pillow. Slowly I detached my hand from handle and sat up. I was still wearing what I had worn at the bash, and I slowly began remembering what had happened a few hours ago. Poem, grey paint. It was all too confusing for me to figure out now.  
  
Not in the mood to think, I brought myself down to the very corner of Las Noches, where I hoped not to be disturbed. I was anyway. "Cairbre?" Without much glance I stood up and walked away from Rabe. My mind was too jumbled to tolerate human emotions now. My head hurt and the edges of my vision were fazed. I leaned back against a spider webbed mirror wall and ran my fingers through my hair. I hadn't felt this way since....  
  
"Cairbre, please listen to me." My attention was drawn to Rabe. But my eyes never met hers. They fell to her throat. This no right, I thought to myself incoherently as I pulled my gaze up to Rabe. Her beautiful face was contorted with concern, and the shirt she wore only drew more attention to her neck. I forced myself completely around so that I was facing the wall, my elbows proping me up and my forehead touching cracked mirror.  
  
"When was the last time I came here?" I asked her no louder than a whisper. But I couldnt ask any louder.  
  
"Almost a week," she replied and I took a sharp intake of breath, which resulted in my legs buckling and me falling to my knees. I had been out for almost a week. Oh hell did it hurt! I never went this long without feeding. I never even went 24 hours without feeding. "Cairbre, I could get you something. What's wrong?" I tried to respond but I had lost my voice. How could I sleep for over a few hours? It didn't make sense. But then again, few things did.  
  
"He needs blood," Jager's voice echoed from across the room and I almost blacked out. I was actually trembling. Rabe's hand touched my shoulder but I jerked away.  
  
"Get away," I yelled hoarsely, although it came out even quieter than my voice had before.  
  
"Badly." Jager added emotionlessly before leaving. His words caught the humans' ears and almost all of them left. All except for Rabe and Kaei. Few other vampires were even in the room, considering the time. It had to have been 2 in the afternoon.  
  
"How could you not feed for this long?" Kaei asked me as she set a glass of cold blood next to me. I grabbed the glass and drank the blood in a split second. Luckily enough it was witch blood. But how had they gotten.....  
  
"Single Earth witch insisted that I keep this for emergency." Rabe's voice sounded like a message from God.  
  
"We better back off," Kaei warned Rabe as I turned around to look at them, my vision better. But there was no doubt that I needed to feed. And the bloodlust had hit me twice as bad as it normally would have since I had killed my last prey. "He still needs blood. The witch blood just got his mind thinking coherant sentences."  
  
"But couldnt we ju-" My instincts had seen the first human and had attacked. I had her slender body in my arms before Kaei could blink. My lips kissed her neck and just as I was going to bite down, I threw Rabe to Kaei and fell to my knees, my fingers entangled into my hair.  
  
I had almost hurt the most precious thing to me. I began crying in anger. My crying did not make a sound, it never did. "Let's back off," Kaei repeated, but this time her sympathy was to me. She had seen many vampires fight the bloodlust that wracked their bodies. I heard them take a few steps back, and I heard Rabe draw her knife. My heart sank. But I did not blame her. After all, I had almost fed off of her.  
  
Before I could actually think of where I was going, I had brought myself to the bash house, to the livingroom where the dead girl had layed before. My body was wracked with another sob and I let it go.  
  
"My little Artist," came a smooth voice that matched the cold silky touch that slid down my cheek. I knew it was not Kendra, I knew that the moment that my lips touched her neck. My fangs pierced her skin and a moment later I was lost in the taste. I just heard Rayne's voice as I drifted off asleep once more,"Your picture of me is stunning, Cairbre." 


	8. Chapter eight: The note

~*~*Chapter eight~*~*~  
Darkness consumes me. I let it do so. There is no point in fighting the inevitable.  
  
"Cairbre, time to get up sleepy head." The voice makes my mind boil. I can hear someone's thoughts, feel them course over my mind. Why was this happening?  
  
"What happened?" I open my eyes to a world of such light that I cover my eyes with my arms.  
  
"Some vampire girl brought you in." Slowly I opened my eyes again and recognized this room as one at a Single Earth. The girl sitting next to me was no ordinary girl, she was a shapeshifter. What was her name again? Devika, yes, that's her name.  
  
"How long ago?" Her hawk eyes glanced at me before she held out a bottle to me.  
  
"Drink this." I took it, slightly suspicious before taking a sip. Shifter blood coursed down my throat and I finished the drink before I knew what it was. I then set down the cup and looked at Devika again. Her blond hair was put back into a sloppy loose ponytail, her skin was a bit pale and just as my eyes well upon the small bandage on her arm, she stood up. "There is a note over there for you."  
  
She had willingly given me blood. How strange. "Thanks Devika," I replied just as she left. Her name got her attention and she turned to look at me with a bit more respect. It was true that I am not usually at this Single Earth, but I was known as a weak vampire with a short temper. Not true, obviously. Devika at least knows now that I am polite. Vampires that are polite dont have a tendency to be violent.  
  
As she left I pulled on my boots before grabbing the note. Seeing who it was from I almost ripped it up but the first sentence caught my eye.  
  
Cairbre,  
  
We have tried to listen to your reasons not to even hear our proposal but now we must move to persuasive antics. It was we, Moira and Fala, that gave you the extra sleeping time. Too bad you didn't kill Rabe, now we might have to. She put up a good fight, little bitch. But now isnt the time for that, not when we have a job for you to do.  
  
Before you say no, just remember that Rabe's little mortal life depends on this. There is a human that we need dead. But she is untouchable. YOU have to kill her mother. Tomorrow, Sunday morning, is when you must do it. If you dont, Rabe is dead.  
  
In your left pocket is a small piece of paper.  
  
I paused reading the note, my hands shaking, to pull out a small scrap of paper in my pocket. Looking it over I saw it had small descriptions of Fala on one side, and on the other it said Stay in your place. My mind racing, I continued reading the note.  
  
Place that in the dead woman's hand. Kill her whatever means possible. If you do what we ask, Rabe will not be killed. However, if you fail to do so, the last time you will remember seeing her is with a dagger in her hand, the tip in your direction.  
  
The woman will be easy to recognize. She will be with two Smoke witches. Caryn and Hasana Rashida.  
  
Until we meet again,  
  
Fala and Moira  
  
I stared at the note as if I could set it on fire with the slightest whim. Seeing the candle on the table, I threw the note there. That worked for me. Not bothering to put out the small fire that I had started, I left SingleEarth in attempt to think.  
  
Sunday. What was today? Wait, the note said tomorrow, Sunday morning. It was obviously not morning, but pitch black out. Devika's blood had cleared my vision, and it helped me remember how I had fallen asleep. The thoughts I had heard while I was sleeping, they were Rayne's.  
  
She had given me her blood, I dont understand....  
  
I pushed her thoughts and my own out of the way and brought the problem at hand down. Fala and Moira have many good reasons to kill Rabe. But they ARE vampires of their word, despite how sadistic they can get.  
  
In the corner of my eye, I saw the one thing I was dreading. The one thing that humans assume could turn our kind into dust. The sun, rising almost tauntingly over the horizon.  
  
Smoke, aye? Healing witches. I suppose I could...NO, I pushed that out of my mind. Although other Smoke witches have joined SingleEarth, those two have not. I could not go to them with my problem. And we all know that they are here to protect the....  
  
Ash Night. Fala and Moira want to kill Ash Night, but Aubrey is protecting her. If I kill her mother....Rabe will live if I do.  
  
Turning into a coffee shop that always seems to be open, I sit down at a table and glance at a clock in the corner. 6:45. "Would you like to order something sir?" I turned my head and saw a human girl no older than 17. Oh my... that was the girl at Las Noches. She seemed to recognize me after awhile and looked at me with a bit of unease.  
  
"Nothing, thank you." She just stared at me, somewhat unnerved. "It's ok," I whispered as I grabbed her hand and made her look at me. She was still scared. "I won't hurt you." Knowing that going into her mind would be a bad idea if I was trying to calm her down.  
  
"Alright..." She looked at me once more, a bit more calmed down before turning and leaving to check on someone else.  
  
I checked outside again. It was getting brighter by the minute, but I had slept quite a lot in the past weeks and so I didnt really feel the need to do so. I smirked. The thought of a kill excited me, no matter how against killing I am.  
  
Standing, I glanced around the shop once more before leaving. I had to go and find the church where I was to kill Ash Night's mortal mother. I would go there early, then go and make sure Rabe is actually in trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if they had just faked it. Maybe they depended on my love for a human to act instantly. Heh, no way would I not check on this. I have many more arts than painting, and lying was actually one of them, and no doubt it was the blood sisters' art as well.  
  
"Rabe," I said to myself as I walked down the vacant street. "Please forgive me." 


	9. chapter nine: new powers discovered

Yep, chapter nine! Thank for all who are reviewing. I reposted this chapter because someone informed me that it was rather confusing to them. I didn't think it was, but I wouldnt, considering I know in my head what is going on. So here is the slightly revised version. Thank you!  
******************************************************  
~*~*Chapter nine~*~*  
I actually found the church rather easily. It wasn't as if it was hidden on purpose, like New Mayhem. But I had begun thinking about how I was going to pull this off the whole time and actually passed it. Goes to show you how deep I can think.  
  
"Alright Cairbre," I said to myself; sitting down on a bench outside the church, "This is a public place, which means that I'll have to keep the humans occupied somehow. Silver's Line can do that rather easily, but I don't think I could......" But then I thought about Rayne. I had her blood coursing through my veins now, which was probably why the girl had felt unnerved around me. She had tried striking up a conversation last time I had seen her....  
  
"Money, sir?" The strange question made me look up at a middle aged man with a tin in his hand. No doubt was he homeless. Maybe he belonged to the slums; he looked tired. I didn't want him to be here. I wish he couldn't see me and go on his way.  
  
To my surprise, he blinked once and continued on his way as if he had never talked to me. That was odd. Smirking, I realized what Rayne's blood had done to me. And now I wanted to test my theory. I stood up on the bench and began screaming profanities, and I can't really describe HOW I did it, but I made the humans not know I was there.  
  
I was shocked. Rayne's blood had made me stronger and actually let me control human minds. I would have gasped and danced around a bit if this were not such a grave situation.  
  
A young woman actually almost sat on me but I made her go sit on the next bench without really thinking. "Woah," I laughed as I began walking towards New Mayhem, "now all I have to do is kill all my remaining morals and we ought to be set!" The last comment was clearly sarcastic when it hit the air, but in my mind I wasn't so sure....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When I arrived at Las Noches, Kaei approached me as soon as I entered. "Cairbre."  
  
"Don't start with me please Kaei." She, being a blood bonded human, caught probably sense my new power, which might be why she actually listened. Let her believe what she wants: if she wants to believe that I fought and won a fight with a fight with a vampire and then drank her blood, so be it. I have no control over her thoughts. I hadn't, actually, but I have no intention to attempt to turn her thoughts around on herself just because I am annoyed. Plus, she is my friend.  
  
"Fala." I saw her and shoved her against the bar, harshly. She probably didn't expect my strength to increase but she did not let herself show it. All she did was purr as a greeting and lick my ear. I trembled in anger and gripped her blood red tanktop. "Where is Rabe?" I growled at her. No doubt in her mind did this remind of her of how Aubrey thought of the author, Jessica Allodola. But I must be different, I was not as strong as her and she could use my weakness to make me do things on a simple whim.  
  
"With Moira. Rabe's power to move objects with her mind is harder to control than we expected." I knew that Fala was speaking the truth. Her eyes flickered with worry for her beloved Moira. I couldn't help but laugh, which came out a bit more evil than it usually did. Several humans glanced my way as if they had seen me for the first time. Which I knew they haven't. I could feel the recognition in their minds.  
  
"Bring me to her Fala." I growled as she looked at me with a smirk. Rayne is a very strong vampire, most likely the strongest of Kaleo's fledglings. Goes to show you how loving plants can damn you.  
  
A moment later I was in a room with Moira and Rabe. Rabe was unconscious in a chair and Moira was actually sweating. I guess she has to use a lot of power to keep Rabe's mind on hold like that.  
  
Just for spite, I let my power strike Moira's and smiled as she did stagger back. Her hold on Rabe held like spiders cling to their webs. The line of power did not even waver. But I had caught her off guard, and she knew it.  
  
"Look, you've seen your precious human," Fala snapped at me, spitting out the last word like she did the word love. She can be so hypocritical. "Now, go do your job. You only have oh." She went over to Rabe and grabbed her wrist harshly and I winced when I heard a snap, "Oops," she innocently gasped as she looked at Rabe's watch. "It's about 8:30. I hate being up but the human and the witches should not be there till around 11 or so."  
  
I glanced at the two vampires and then at Rabe for a long time. No matter how strong her powers were, she couldn't take on Moira and Fala at the same time. Besides, even if Rabe got free, she wouldn't know where she was. I didn't even know where she was, to tell you the truth. I have a room behind Las Noches, but this feels rather far away. "If you hurt Rabe at least a bit, you will never be able to sleep safely as long as I live." It came out as a threat, because that was what it was. And the blood sisters took it in that sense as well. They also knew that I would do it if given a chance.  
  
After getting their subtle nods of agreement, I went back to Las Noches to try to figure out things by myself. There were a few vampires in the room, and there was actually Flare there, but I did not want to talk to him. He would just call me that name that had haunted my sleep.  
  
The corner of the room looked most deserted and I sat down with a sigh. I still wasn't sure how I was going to do this. Was I going to drink her dry or snap her neck? I believe the neck is less painful, but I wouldn't know. Anyone that had had it done hasn't lived to tell. Vampires could tell you, but they unlive things. I would have preferred a human perspective on the issue.  
  
Then there was the fact that I had to let go of all the human morals that I had in my mind. These thoughts reminded me of Risika when she had fought Aubrey. She had fought for her brother, her tiger Tora, both which she thought Aubrey killed. Turns out that Alexander, her brother, is a Triste witch. I wonder how his kind responds to the fact that their name means sad in Spanish. I doubt they would care if I told them. All they would care about would be getting their daggers in my heart. I wonder how that feels. I would like to get a vampire perspective on that, but none have ever unlived to tell the tale.  
  
And that tiger, Tora. I had seen the beautiful tiger when I would visit the zoo in attempt to pretend being human. Wonderful creature. She had recognized me as one of Risika's kind and I was tempted to go and pet the creature, but that wouldn't look sane in a public zoo. Killing Tora was one of the few things that I hate Aubrey for. Of course, I was not strong enough to even consider challenging Aubrey on the issue.  
  
"A penny for your thoughts?"  
  
"Vampires don't really have use for money, Risika," I told her plainly and was surprised to hear her laughing. I suppose my attitude she didn't mind in weak vampires where she knew we were just acting human. But in a strong vampire I suppose it was a threat. She didn't like having threats. After all, she was the strongest vampire in the Silver Line. Jager might fight her for the actual title, but he only fights when he truly believes that it would be a challenge. Risika is still smiling about that fight with Aubrey, although it has been over a year.  
  
"Very true, Cairbre," she replied, sitting down beside me. "A bit stronger than before, aren't you?" Her playful tone meant she was either actually being nice or she was in the mood to fight. I hope it was not the second one.  
  
"Fala actually helped me." That caught her attention. I remember her setting the table Fala had been sitting on later on in the fight on fire. There was no doubt that they disliked each other.  
  
"Oh really? I doubt it's her blood coursing through your veins."  
  
"No, just like you Risika, I have an enemies blood. I consider her an enemy, but we have no real quarrel with each other as you and Aubrey do. She hasn't killed anyone I love, but she is helping me kill something very dear to me."  
  
"Oh?" I knew the first thing that came to her mind was Tora, her tiger. "What is she helping you destroy?" I sighed, not really wanting for her to hear this. If I wanted to I could just leave, but that would be rude. I still act too human. It must make other vampires sick. People are born with either two mind sets: predator or prey. I was born a prey and have become a predator, but I still act like prey. This killing is going to force me to become a predator; the predator that has lived inside of me since I died.  
  
"My humanity." Her eyes softened a bit. I knew she had had the same dilemma when she fought Aubrey. But I doubt she cared about me.  
  
"It's a hard thing to give up, Cairbre," she told me and I was surprised to hear her actually sound caring. It must be something else though. I thought to myself. She could never really care for another vampire as a friend. Even Jager is just a vampire that she can tolerate.  
  
As ours eyes meet for a moment, I know that we both had seen each other at the coffee shop before Tora had died in Massachusetts . I suppose it is a place we go where we can observe the human world. I have gone to many shops like that in many states, but that one is my favorite. I suppose we have something in common, besides grasping for our humanity as long as we could.  
  
"I have something to do, Risika." I tell her as I stand up and walk away. I know she has no reason to fight me and therefore I do not mind her at my back. Likewise, I doubt she would mind me at her back, but for other reasons. Once I grab a bottle of water from the bar and drink it down quickly, I toss it in the air and leave to the church; letting the red glass shatter on the floor where I had just stood.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
dun dun dun! Please review!  
  
Krikoris 


	10. chapter ten: Reluctance to Kill and Loss...

Alright, chapter 10. Hmm interesante. Yep, up till then it had been the events leading up to the death of Anne. Now this is the chapter where it all happens. Cairbre's brief yet important role in DIMV. Most of it is a memory. I know.. . . . . Enjoy!  
  
~*~*Chapter ten~*~*  
It's been a year since I was changed. Many vampires would say that animal blood tastes horrible. I disagree. The only time I had drunk from a human was the night I awoke and left Kendra with her Vida knife. I haven't seen her since. And ever since that first taste of innocence running down my throat, I have shunned all mortal kind. Animal blood is the only blood I know, although sometimes I taste the hot human blood in my dreams.  
  
Just as I have shunned mortals, I shun my own kind as well. How they ENJOY killing what they had been, how they leave the dead to rot, it all disgusts me. I am not hypocriting myself. I bury the animals I have accidently killed and say a prayer, although the prayer seems to scorch my throat. I was never a true believer in God, but nonetheless I feel as if I had let him down. I admit I was going to die by my own hand, which is a sin, but Kendra had let me die and yet forced me to watch the world forget me. I have sinned either way but I will not confess in a church. My blood itself the greatest sin and it cannot be purified.  
  
I think about all of this as I bury a small rabbit in my cemetery. I mutter the prayer but it is now just a reflex. I don't even know the words anymore.  
  
For some unknown reason, I go to my own grave, although there is no body in the coffin where the dead are meant to stay. My family and several friends had put some of my favorite things in the oak box. My paints, my sketch book, even my favorite books and clothing. How do I know that? I had been there.  
  
The second thing I had learned how to do as a vampire was to change my eyes or my hair. The first thing I learned was how to move myself with my mind. And that was in the first few minutes of awakening.  
  
The funeral was rather odd. Many from school attended it, and they all placed a rose on the coffin before it was lowered. A vampire, whom I still don't know, placed a black rose among the crimson and chalk white roses. It stuck out rather boldly. The school even has a memorial for me. I guess they assumed that I was killed and chopped up into little pieces by that murderer that had killed more than 20 students.  
  
Now I go to that memorial, while school is in session. All my friends have graduated, or at all the smart ones. I hope no one recognizes me, and so I change my ash hair to a brownish reddish rusty color and my eyes to an eerie green. Just a precaution, I tell myself.  
  
The memorial is rather beautiful. Stained-glass roses surround a giant statue of a boy and a girl sitting on a bench, their eyes gazing heavenward. The girl stood for all the girls murdered, and the boy stood for me. I was the only boy "killed" by this murderer. And the boy statue did look like me, but I think my nose is too big.  
  
"Sir?" The sudden voice startles me. Although I had sensed her behind me, I didn't expect her to talk to me. "Did you know Cairbre?" Her voice sounds strained. My body tensed.  
  
"Yeah," I answered, adjusting the baseball cap on my mop of hair. "He didn't talk much though."  
  
"No," she agreed, "He didn't. He expressed his feelings through his art." I wonder what she was getting at?  
  
"What are you suggesting?" My art had been dark and full of pain. This girl knew me too well as a human and even if I tried to disguise my voice, it didn't work.  
  
"Cairbre . . . " Her voice was full of suppressed tears. I had loved this girl as a human. But my bloodlust had taken me over. I turned and grabbed her, then took her to the park and killed her.  
  
I held her body in my arms, blood dripping down my chin. It had tasted so good. . . .I shuddered and dropped her to the ground. Flashes of memory had hit me as I had drank her hot blood, full of life.  
  
I wasn't sure how long I stayed there, staring at her body. She was an innocent. I had killed her. I refused to pray for her, to bury her body. I couldn't find the words in my throat.  
  
After a few more minutes, I left to go to another town. I lived around major cities for a few years, just to learn how to observe humans in their environment and not end up killing one. I promised myself that I would never go back home, but humans make those promises. They never live forever. My kind does. And when I am strong enough, I will return home.  
  
I pull myself from my thoughts as I appear right by the church. Instantly I put all the humans under my newly required mind control. I am surprised that I could not do it in the first place.  
******************************************  
  
I see the woman with the two witches. No, I correct myself, one witch. Caryn, the daughter, had gone elsewhere. This is my chance. I push back all my morals and just act on instinct. I appear by the woman Anne Allodola and pull her into my grasp. Then I move us back away from the witches. Quickly I fumble with the piece of scrap paper in my pocket and I shove it into her hand before I go to bite her.  
  
A harsh punch hits my jaw and I stumble back. My mind swirls and I know that if I don't kill Anne, Rabe will die. I snap her neck before I stumbled back from the blow. Then my gaze fell on Jessica, beautifully deadly, then to the crowd of humans on their way to church, the witches who were too scared to move, then the crowd again. If I fought the witches, I wouldn't be able to hold my new control on the humans. That would mean bloodshed, whether I liked to consider it or not. I never had to fight for my life against a witch, let alone surrounded by 40 or 50 people. With one more glance at Jessica, almost as an apology, I left.  
  
Without much thought of where I was going, I went to my grave. I was on my knees on top of it. A single red rose lay on top of my tombstone and I grip my hair and cry for the official loss of my humanity. 


	11. Chapter eleven: Hazy memories show thems...

Alrightoz ladies and gentlemen, chapter 11! Woooooo hooooo. I am glad some people enjoy my crappy writing. *sigh* Anywhoz, thank you to all those who reviewed. We are nearing the end ..... dun dun dun! Anywhoz once again, enjoy!  
~*~*Chapter eleven~*~*  
I don't recall how long I kneeled there at my grave, weeping like a lost child. In a way I am lost, if you take time to think about it. For years I have fought the painful, pointless battle of staying connected with my old world. Grasping for my humanity, my mortality, my human, needlessly. In the end I turn out like a mutant, an insane beast. An immortal creature born from the breath of night, who must survive on the blood of others, but has the innocent mind of a human.  
  
No longer do I wish to fight the battle. I refuse to feel the pain of bloodlust each waking moment and taste the ambrosia of blood in my dreams.  
  
Slowly I raise my head to meet the setting sun. The perfect mixture of purple and pale rose reminds me of a sunrise. All vampires prefer sunsets, or at least the ones that I know of.  
  
Just in front of me, ruining the scene, is my damned gravestone. The rose lies so innocently on the top. I slowly pick it off the stone, and a sharp thorn pricks my slender finger. Jerking away from my own hand, I glare at the rose of many colors. One moment it was lavender, the color of humanity, and then it slowly faded to black.  
  
"Weird rose isn't it?" For a brief moment I almost turned around, but I didn't. I recognized the voice behind me. And I'm sure Risika could acknowledge the golden eyes and blonde hair that I knew stood behind me, crying. The scent of tears was in the air, and although I knew I had been crying, this scent is fresh. Hmm at least Risika should be able to acknowledge him. Alexander is her brother after all, or had been 300 years ago.  
  
I remember talking to him during the fight briefly. He seemed to accept me because I did not kill. At least back then I hadn't. "Guess it is," I replied carefully, not sure why a Triste witch was speaking willingly to me. They were called the perfect vampire hunters for a reason.  
  
"I know what you did." His voice echoed in my ears as I continued to glance at the rose. "And I wanted to tell you that Rabe is doing fine." I laughed softly. I had forgotten that she had been the whole cause of this. Not as if it was her fault. Humans can't really protect themselves.  
  
"And it seems," Alexander continued, sounding a bit careful himself, "That you came back here to your origin to weep for your humanity. Risika would never do such a thing. She doesn't cry often." What was he trying to do? Make me want to rip out his throat? I wasn't really sure if it was working or not.  
  
"Make your point." I stated bluntly. I did not ask, nor did I want to.  
  
"You come here to mourn the loss of your humanity but you must have humanity left in you if you come to weep for it. You haven't lost it yet, Cairbre. As long as you can cry, humanity lies within your soul." The last thing he said made me turn and look at him. Both our cheeks were tear stained, but our eyes now shined with shock and acknowledgement; the shock coming from me. I was so stupid as to not remember him from before.  
  
"Remember that. You have not forgotten it over the years but you must never forget it." And with that, he was gone. Which left me to remember my past. I knew that Alexander had been familiar during Risika's fight, but now it all came back like a ton of bricks.  
  
**********************  
  
May 18, 1963  
  
I stood there in the art gallery, smirking at the other artists brag to others about their work. All of the others were colorful and full of life. The goodness in life that is. Yellows, whites, pinks, all the colors that I shunned in work were suffocating my painting. I never named my paintings, out loud of course. The painting that I did the night that girl came hung in the very corner of the room, its sadness and depression darkening the space that it occupied. No one really looked at it while I was here, but I heard many talk about it behind my back.  
  
Now there were two people looking intently at it. The young woman who had interrupted my painting session and unnerved me was standing there; her extremely seductive outfit making me wonder who she was. And there was a younger man with her. Both seemed to be engaged in deep conversation with another. They could at least be respectful and talk elsewhere. . . .  
  
"Is that your painting?" I turned to see a young couple, arms linked, standing behind me. The young man was about a year younger than me, maybe 17 or so. His golden eyes somewhat intrigued me and I had to blink before I could notice the young woman on his arm. She looked just about as old as he, an inch or two shorter with long tightly curled brown hair. Both had a look in their eyes, but I could not exactly place it.  
  
"That it is," I replied, and the woman noticed the paint flakes in my hair. "The closest to dying my hair that I can get," I told her and she smiled. Despite the fact that the man was clearly her boyfriend, I couldn't help but feel drawn to her somehow. Just her BEING there made me feel important, but I could not explain why.  
  
"What did you name it?" She asked me, her soft yet strong tone somewhat shocking me. There was no teenager awkwardness in her voice like the other kids at school. They never really talked to ME but I heard the conversations of breakups, love whispering, and arguments echo in my ears in the hallways of that Hell. "I didn't see a title when Alexander and I went to look at it."  
  
"I don't really name them." I answered somewhat awkwardly, not sure what was making me act this way. "But I personally refer it to as 'My Last Shred of Mortality'." That seemed to knock them a blow. Both of them exchanged glances before Alexander put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a long stare.  
  
"Remember, as long as you love, as long as you can cry, humanity lies within your soul." Then he walked away, leaving me in a daze of unknown feelings. What was he talking about? For the second time in the past days, I was completely unnerved.  
  
"Don't mind Alexander," the girl sighed when she saw my expression. Her pale green eyes seemed to bore into my soul and I couldn't fight it back. "Here, I must be going now, but I want you to have this." She put her hand in one of her flare jean pockets and pulled out an odd necklace. The chain was silver and the pendant was an odd twist of metal, but as I put it closer to my face I saw that there was a small black cross beneath all of the twisted metal wire.  
  
"Than-" When I went to thank the girl, she was gone. I had no idea who she was, but I put on the necklace nonetheless. Somehow it felt as if it warmed the skin it touched. Maybe because it was in her pocket.  
  
"Cairbre..." Someone purred behind me and I flinched as I felt two ice cold hands wrap around my chest and slide under my shirt. In an instant I gripped the hands and pulled them away, then turned to see the woman from several nights before.  
  
"You." I was not in the mood to talk to her, not in the least. And she seemed to get suddenly angry when her eyes saw my necklace. What I learned later on in my 3rd year as a vampire was that Triste witches use that symbol to show what humans they protect from the vampires.  
  
"Nice necklace," she purred, although I could hear the anger slithering through.  
  
"I know." I snapped as I turned away. She let me do so. I even got as far as outside the building where the young man she was with gripped my shirt and pinned me to a tree. He used such force that the wind was knocked out of me and spots danced in front of my eyes when my neck snapped back and my head collided with the unforgiving bark of the tree.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" He asked me, a sadistic smile creeping across his lips. My arms were free and I slammed my fist into his jaw. I was rewarded with a punch of my own. My vision went black for a moment.  
  
Quickly I reached up and grabbed a branch in each hand, then lifted myself up and kicked him in the chest, sending him staggering back a foot or two. When he didn't even seem hurt over the kick that would usually keep a guy down for a good minute or two, I knew something wasn't right with him.  
  
Right then my eyes met his, just for a moment. I couldn't move when my eyes met his black orbs. There was a feeling deep inside me that screamed out at me 'Run Cairbre!!' but my mind and body stood still. "Stupid human." He growled as he was suddenly in front of me, his iron grip on my neck. I couldn't breath. This man wasn't normal, not to my standards at least. I have gotten into my share of fights and I have never felt such strength crushing my windpipe.  
  
Suddenly I was on my knees, gasping for air like a fish. For the moment I did not know how I had gotten free, but it was clearer to me when I felt someone trying to pull me up. "Come on Cairbre," the voice begged and I forced myself to my feet although my vision went fuzzy for a brief moment.  
  
"Get him out of here!" Came another voice and the next thing I knew, I was elsewhere. In the woods perhaps, leaning against somebody. When I turned to see who it was, I went to say something, but just moving my jaw now made tears form in my eyes.  
  
"Cairbre, don't move from here," the girl from the art exhibit ordered me as she set me down against a tree trunk.  
  
What the Hell? I thought to myself as I tried seeing straight. There was only the girl there one moment and Alexander next to her after I blinked. I managed a laugh, although it came out more like a groan of pain. I really was losing my mind.  
  
"Kaleo and Kendra should be here any minute." He told the girl, who pulled out a dagger the next second. I was so confused. Who were Kaleo and Kendra? And what were they?  
  
"I'm taking Cairbre back to his house," Alexander whispered although I could hear it. But the odd thing was, his lips didn't move. Ok, I was officially losing my mind. "Can you handle them till I get back?"  
  
"No problem, just make sure he gets some sleep for pity's sake. Then find out why they want him so bad. He is just another artist." Alexander nodded and went over to me. I felt so stupid, being delirious by just one blow from a guy no older than me.  
  
The next thing I knew, I was in my bed, and Alexander was watching me with an odd gleam in his eyes. "What?" I asked him, not knowing why he had carried me home. Or at least I think he had carried me home. But how else would he have gotten here? A car? No, I would have remembered a car.  
  
"If I kill you now, you won't become one of them." He told me as he twirled a dagger in his hands. I was suddenly nervous. What was he talking about? "But if you become one of us . . ." I didn't want to hear this. I was too tired and too creeped out.  
  
"I assume you aren't planning for me to live long now are you?" I mutter to myself, surprised to find that my jaw did not hurt anymore. He seemed shocked by the question but responded nonetheless.  
  
"No, not as a human anyway."  
  
"Get out," I hissed. I had planned to end my life anyway tomorrow night, but I did not like the way this boy was telling me I was going to die so bluntly.  
  
"Don't let them get to you." Was the last thing he told me before he was suddenly gone. I stared at where he was for at least ten minutes. He had just disappeared. I lost my mind. I knew that there was no way that he could have just left.  
  
The whole night must have been a hallucination. To my surprise, there was a dagger on the desk where my illusion Alexander had sat. Without hesitation, I picked it up. If this night was my mind telling me to end my life, then I would not argue. But if Alexander was real then . . . .  
  
I would not let anyone get to me. This is the only solution. Not even bothering to write a suicide note, I slit my left wrist. I wondered at the sudden river that was flowing out of me, but I forced the thought out of my mind and slit my other wrist.  
  
Tonight I was going to die. But what I did not know was that the grim reaper would share her blood with me and make me one of the night.  
  
********************  
  
"No!!!" I screamed at myself for no apparent reason. I had just remembered the one piece of information that I had never remembered over my years as a vampire. I knew that I had planned to kill myself, but what made me do it that night had been a wonder to me. And now I knew. Alexander and the still nameless young Triste.  
  
Where was that necklace? I knew that I had not had it when I woke up after I was changed, but had Kendra taken it? I personally doubt it, it was probably in my room when my parents found my bed and rug bloody.  
  
My heart panged. My parents. I haven't even thought of them for awhile. Like deep down thought about. "No," I said again, trying to convince myself that visiting my parents was a very bad idea. How would they react if they saw me? Personally I think my mother would pull out her bible and try to convert me on the spot and my father would pull out his rifle and order me out. Did my parents even live here anymore?  
  
I thought to myself for a moment. No one at school would recognize me. The teachers would think me familiar but the ones that I had had in school would probably be dead or would not remember me. Running my fingers through my hair, sighing, I brought myself to my old school. 


	12. Chapter twelve: Schools out Cairbre!

~*~*Chapter twelve~*~*  
  
The moment I entered the school courtyard, I remembered how late it was. I did not mind, and there was quite a bit of human interaction going on inside the building. Instantly curious, I walked in.  
  
The school itself hadn't changed much. The lockers were still where they had been, although they are fixed up now. And the art room was right across the hall from the courtyard entrance. What an idiot I am for forgetting that.  
  
Slowly I noticed that the sounds were coming from that room and I checked myself over for any vampire things, like ripped clothes and blood. When I didn't find any, I made my way into the room.  
  
There were so many high school kids in that room, well, more than I had expected. Maybe 10 or so. All of them seemed to know each other and when they saw me all of them slowly looked me over. I looked much different from them. All of them somehow were so familiar and yet so strange that it caused me to not move for about half a minute.  
  
"You new?" A boy asked from a table. He was wearing these ridiculous goggle things on his head but I just shook my head to his question. Recognition was all visible in their gaze but it was obvious that they could not place me.  
  
"Then what are you doing here?" Asked another girl who sat a table down from him. Unlike the boy, who had seemed annoyed by my presence, this girl was somehow fascinated.  
  
"Curiosity killed the kid," I answered vaguely, making them all wonder if it was a threat or the answer to her question.  
  
"What's going on here?" Came a voice from the back storage room. A voice that I knew, or had known, during my years here. It had aged, but it was him nonetheless.  
  
"Some kid just came in," replied a boy who seemed to not belong. I quickly read his mind and found out that this boy was no artist but had come to this 'Select Crafts' hang out because the girl he liked was here.  
  
"Well, there is nothing wrong with that," the voice replied and it got louder as he made his way out of the room. When he saw me, his eyes widened and I thought he might have had a heart attack if not one of the kids came to his side.  
  
"You ok Mr. Quincy?" The student asked as he led my old art teacher to a chair.  
  
"Fine Will," Mr. Quincy assured the boy. His eyes never left me. It looked as if he had just seen a ghost.  
  
"What is wrong?" the girl from earlier asked, worry lacing through her calm tone. My teacher seemed to ignore her as he pointed his cane at me.  
  
"You look so much like a student that I used to have," he told me before pointing his cane to a framed picture on the wall. My eyes glanced over at it. The Killington Murder Statue was taken in that frame. "That boy right there."  
  
"The statue was taken down?" I asked, and kicked myself mentally for not disguising my voice. Mr. Quincy picked that right up. That and the fact that I knew about the statue in the first place.  
  
"Cairbre Killingston, great great grandson of the founder of this town," he continued, not answering my question. It pained me to hear my whole name and he saw it in my eyes. "You look just like him."  
  
"Your right Mr. Quincy," a student gasped as she took the frame from off the wall and set it down on a table. "He looks identical!" The other kids surrounded the table and began muttering to themselves.  
  
"Are you related to my favorite student?" My teacher asked as I slowly made my way around the teenage humans and sat down next to him.  
  
"I cant be sir," I told him, "He has been dead since 1963. My mo- Cairbre's parents never had any other children and Cairbre never had as much as a date." My information seemed to just make the old man more curious.  
  
"How do you know so much about this boy when you acted as if we had no idea what we had been talking about only a minute ago?" Damn old man. He was always the smartest teacher I had.  
  
"I was just shocked sir," I replied, "That this deceased young man shares my looks and my first name." I couldn't really keep that out. I never liked using fake names. They always sounded dead when I said them.  
  
"Oh? What brought you here then Cairbre?"  
  
I didn't want to talk to someone that knew of my past. I stood up and looked at the old man. "I am sorry sir but I must be going." Before he or any of the students could respond, I walked out. I know that was probably a bad idea. I should not have said that my name was Cairbre, but that man can tell if someone is lying, dead or alive.  
  
****  
  
An hour or so later I find myself back at Las Noches, but I dare not enter. Rabe is probably infuriated at me and Aubrey would have my head. I had not meant to strike Jessica, it was just that the animal instinct had reacted before common sense.  
  
I actually walked to my room behind the club and when I entered my room I was confronted once again. And by the same damn vampire. "Evening Cairbre," Rayne purred at me from my bed. Her hair was now black with green ivy-like stripes slithering about, but her eyes were the same color as I had last seen them. And her dress, oh that damn vampire! She looked so gorgeous in that dress. Skin tight, deep emerald green.  
  
Slowly she rose from the bed and came to me, every move making her look like an angel. In my head I kept telling myself that she might try to kill me. But the other side of my mind was intruiged. Human curiosity, male curiosity. I began to turn, but she slid her hands up my shirt. I arched a brow. This was a whole new thing to me. Being a 55 year old virgin sucks.  
  
"Come with me," she whispered in my ear and I closed my eyes slowly, but I pulled her hands away from me nonetheless.  
  
"No," I told her, although it was no louder than a whisper. Suddenly, her mind opened up to me. I did not read it although I was rather shocked that she actually would open herself to me like that. I was getting a feeling in her aura. Something I never felt before. Directed towards me that is. I had felt it between Moira and Fala, Jager and Fala, but never towards me. I was so shocked that I was caught off guard when she kissed me. Her fingers ran through my hair and I pulled her hands away sharply.  
  
"No." I told her again. Although this time I wasn't so sure. Love. She loved me, or at least she thought she did. I was confused at what had made her think she loved me. I had only met her on rare occasions, most of them in the past week or two.  
  
Funny. It seemed as if my whole vampiric life was in the past two weeks. "I know this is confusing for you Cairbre," she told me as she stroked my cheek. This time I did not pull away. "But I haven't loved anyone for over 400 years. It is just as odd to me as it is to you. Are you this afraid of what might happen if you DO fall in love with me?"  
  
"Humans fall inlove, Rayne. Vampires do not."  
  
"If that was true, then Fala, Moira, you and me would not be here." Me? That couldn't be right. "Kendra does favor you the most, besides Kaleo." I was partially shocked, but I did not let is show. Instead I let myself go. No more human shyness. Pure vampire reactions. I am kissing her before I even knew what I was doing.  
  
I pulled away a few minutes later, shocked at myself. "Is it so hard for you to love a human like a little sister and a vampire like a lover?" Rayne's question caught me off guard. Only then did I realize that my shirt had somehow gone missing. Actually, it was now on the floor. Odd, I don't remember takin- "A simple annoyance," she assured me before wrapping her arms around my neck and leading me over to the bed. My mind was racing. I was kissing a vampire. I laughed at myself. Never really thought about what it would be like, kissing a vampire. But rather them being hard and rough, they were soft and gentle.  
  
As Rayne sat down on the bed, her one arm around my neck, she was slowly undoing her dress. My mind froze. I was petrified. Sensing my terror, Rayne laughed before pulling me ontop of her.  
  
*****  
  
The light of the sun peeked in through my windows, and would have been invisible but my black out curtains were now in a jumble on the floor. Last night had been very . . . . pleasurable. Slowly I opened my eyes and winced at the sun's brightness. Reluctantly I pulled myself away from Rayne, tucked the blankets around her, and pulled on a pair of jeans ontop of my boxers. Once I did that, I fixed the curtains and closed them so the room was once again dark.  
  
Last night. How odd it was that I considered Rayne a potential enemy one day and my lover, my first one actually, the very same night and the next morning. But as I look at her looking so human and innocent in my bed, I do not know why I hadn't thought of it sooner.  
  
Oh yes, Kaleo. He fancied himself in love with many young women, and it was obvious that he was still rather attached to Rayne. Either because he does love her or that she is the strongest of his fledglings I do not really know. My mind aches just trying to figure it out.  
  
Groaning, I pull on a random shirt from my closet and sat down in the corner of my room. My canvas lay untouched for several days now but inspiration has struck me suddenly. Picking up my paintbrush, I stick it into my black paint and begin what I already named 'Reluctant to Kill.'  
  
***********  
  
Alright! That's almost a wrap! Epilogue coming up. I want to thank all of you who reviewed this, it really makes me feel great to know that people enjoy what I write. Well, when you're ready I'll put up the last part of this story, and I'll be done! *happy dance*  
  
Krikoris 


	13. Epilogue

~*~*Epilogue~*~*  
  
It has been a year since I had killed Anne Allodola. Jessica had come after me for revenge and had stated it, but for some reason the next day she seemed sympathetic towards me. No doubt Siete had heard of the death, knew who I was, and Jessica had dreamt of me. It does not really matter why she did not kill me, which she certainly could have done. All that matters to me personally is that I do not have her on my bad side.  
  
As for my humanity, I still have a thread of it. I still live in New Mayhem, because I cannot part with my two best friends, whether they are human, blood bonded, or not. Rayne had tried to convince me to move out and get a house of my own so I could host a bash, but I 'persuaded' her. Yes, you saw the word bash. One of the many things Rayne got me to do was go to bashes. And although I hated bashes when I was young, they are now rather enjoyable.  
  
Yes, I kill. But animals need to kill to survive. It is one of the animal laws: Kill or be killed. Nikolas had actually sat down with me and explained to me why we as vampires have a natural right to kill our food. Humans do it to chickens and cows. Horses kill the plants they eat. And vampires kill humans. It had taken awhile to get me to finally think like a vampire and not a human, but Nikolas and Rayne had convinced me.  
  
Do I miss being human? Of course. I haven't lived long enough to not go to my homeland and not see my home, my school. Vampires such as Rayne and Risika can no longer see where they had grown up. Their homes have decayed.  
  
Reluctantly I admit that I still mingle with the human world a bit too much. I go to my old school and paint, but when it is presented I change my name to Kairbre. I laugh each time I sign. It was Nikolas's suggestion that I think of myself different. That also meant my name.  
  
I no longer change my eyes so often to their original color. And it turns out that my reflection is becoming a bit mistier each time I kill. Turns out that I have become almost five times stronger than I had.  
  
And Alexander and SingleEarth. I haven't seen the Triste witch since that day in the graveyard, but no doubt he had realized what I have done and gave up on me. SingleEarth? I haven't stepped inside one since the day I killed Jessica's mother.  
  
It is odd how my life can change so quickly. My life was changed by a vampire 38 years ago, but I only became a true vampire myself a year ago, with the thanks of Rabe. I still love her like a sister, and she has not changed her attitude towards me. We still have our talks over water and cyanide. Yes, I still drink cyanide.  
  
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"Kairbre!" I set down my pen and look over my shoulder. There is Rayne, looking rather sexy. I smirk. This is the first time I ever felt this way about someone. Love is one of the only human emotions I let myself have these days.  
  
"Ready?" I ask slyly as I smooth out my crimson red shirt, which showed off my subtle muscles. I have aquirred several of these shirts from Rayne. We smile before she nods. In an instant we are gone. To where? A bash. What I did not know was that this was the night when the daughter of a rather infamous Vida would enter my life that night.  
  
You want to know what happened that night? You're just going to have to wait until I am ready to spill the next chapter in my life story. Or my unlife. Sorry, bad joke.  
  
*****************  
  
Alright, Reluctant to Kill is over!!! I want to thank all of you deeply for reviewing this. It's really touching. Now onto odder business. I was planning on doing a sequel to this, and I would appreciate it if you gave me your opinion. Thank you!  
  
*does 'first story ever to finish' dance*  
  
Krikoris 


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